Near Death Experience

In 2003 I was not well for a very long time allready. Therefore we have searched for a possibility to rest a while. I could do that in a convalescent home, where I have been for 6 weeks.

On  November 11th I was having my first NDE (a very short one), followed by a 2nd on November 13th. This NDE is my most special NDE and it changed my life most thoroughly, of all the other experiences I have had.

Here follows a part of my diary, because the story is at the most authentic as possible in that way.

11 November 2003

I slept from 1 o’clock until almost 4 o’clock in the afternoon.

I slept very deep; só deep, that everything around me was very black. It was so black, you couldn’t even see your dreams. I had gone very far away. When I wake up, I couldn’t handle the light and it took some time before I could move again and stand up.

I felt something really special occured to me, but I did not know what it was exactly. The darkness felt very special… it gave me rest,  an intense rest and above all a lot of love.

13 November 2003

I woke up at 7.30 and had had a good night. I washed and dressed myself, but that was heavy.

I felt restless and again I felt myself passing out. I went back to my bed and lay down.

Hugo came and asked how it was going. He wanted to call the doctor, but I told him, that I was only very, very tired. In short time I slept again, but laying down I  kept feeling dizzy. They brought me my lunch to my bedroom and I had a strong feeling, I had to eat everything of it. In the mean time I felt more and more sick.

Sitting in bed was excruciating. My heart went terribly quick and loud. I could hear my heart outside myself on 1 meter distance above myself. It boomed in my head and I cried and cried of misery.

I prayed, that I could loose my tiredness, but it wasn’t nice.

I felt again in a deep, but strange sleep. There came and went shadows over me and thereafter it was lighter. It was again very, very dark, but not frightening. I experienced God’s presence. He was with me and I asked Him if He would be with me. An angel was also ok. Years ago, whenI felt very, very lonely, God teached me, that you are never alone! There is always somebody with you! That time there was an angel with me and I told God, that I knew there was an angel with me right now; I couldn’t see him, but I felt him… In the time I was saying this to God, I saw a little light and I already was in a light place…

Than there came again the question; “Suppose you can choose”, what would you prefere? Do you like to stay here or do you like to come Above? (1998 I was having a very hard time and I was very exhausted, because one of our children had to go to psychiatric hospital for a very long time. In that time I brought our children to school and afterwards I was so tired, that I had to set the alarmclock to wake up on time to open the door for them again. On a morning I heard a voice in my room, saying: “what do you like, coming Up or do you want to stay here? I answered, that it was not possible to come Up, because my husband and children need me. The answer was; “I will bring you to still waters and green pastures” and I was for sure that He should take care of my son! Now God reacted on this moment and now  I answered, that I will return the question to Him. I don’t want to have the possibility to decide this. But I let Him know, that after all we went trought with our family, it should not encourage them, if He let me come HOME by now. But I gave it all in His hands.

That night I kept thinking about a tought; the shadows of death.

During my “absence” I was first in an intens dark surrouding; how big it was, I can’t say. But I didn’t feel afraid or lonely. I was very sure that God was with me; everywhere, so also here. That made me feel very relaxed en quiet.

Suddenly I was in a big light dome; I was standing close to the entrance, but I can’t remember seeing a door; I was just there.

Left of me there was a kind of seperation and at the left side before me there were a few angels and before me there was God himself; I felt it that way, but He didn’t say He is God.

I was sóóó  intens welcome! As if I had made a very long journey and just came home… I was a part of them, but I wasn’t  part of them already.

I felt a tremendous Love and Warmth and a knowing of being completely accepted the way you really are! In this place there is nothing to hide, it is simply not possible; everything is known!

It felt, that I was equal to God and the angels. There is the difference, but it is not the same as here on earth. Therefore it was fully excepted, that I told God what my opinion was. This was a great experience for me, to find out. God chooses to live with us in an equal way!

I wanted God to decide whether I should go Up or down, but the way the dialogue went was very special. Things that were not meant for me, I didn’t receive, but that was ok. Here you should wander if they can make the right decision for you. But there it was for sure, that whatever they decide, it was very well ok for everyone. The things who were meant for me, those I did receive, but not by talking or hearing, but in a way of  “knowing”.

All the angels and God and myself were all dressed in a kind of shining white dress. Also the dome where we were in, was very bright and light. It felt like it was inside, but at the other hand also to big and therefore it looked like it was also outside, but protected, save. There were no shadows and the light was not blinding. You couldn’t see any faces, what you can experience as distant, but it wasn’t distant at all. You don’t need a face or a body to know eachother! God means “I AM” and that was what I felt; YOU ARE, that is enough.

When I lay on my bed with my face to the wall, I felt the shadows coming over me. But the window was not at that side of my room. The sun couldn’t shine in my room at that time of the day! But I felt the shadows from the trees and clouds outside coming over me inside through the wall.

I would love to come closer to God and so I asked for it. But they “told” me, that that was not good for me.

When God and the angels were deciding what to do with me and I felt, that whatever they decided was the highest form of love, I also experienced, that they were preparing a big party, because I was coming.

But God and the angels decided to give me a new job to do here and after God answered me, that it was not good for me, to come closer to Him, I was back in my bed.